But there is only forward, no other way / Tomorrow was your whole bad at the end of the day / And gold turns gray / And gold turns gray / What if a heart gives in despair? / What if the road won't take me there? / Oh, I wish, for once, we could stay goldthe sun is leaving and this evening is winding down. the dappled light that filled this room twenty minutes ago is gone. still, spring is shifting into summer and moving forward. still, everything changes, just as last week's full moon is waning in the sky.
why start this again? because i need a place to write, and journals have their limits. i started one over six months ago, and it's a wonder and a blessing to see that i have continued. still, i crave a place to write stream-of-consciousness, or finger-flowing.
this morning i went for a walk, and as i strode out of the building, i felt anger. it crackled in my mind, i could feel it in my steps and i wondered at it's sudden appearance. walking with it, heading up 4th avenue and over to jackson, up to the MAX turnabout and as i stopped to take a picture, i realized i was not angry. i felt broken-hearted. my defended heart dropped its shields and i breathed. sad. loss. not fury. deeper breath. softening. this is how it happens, when i'm willing to name, wait, watch for some hint, movement, revelation.
and with the sadness, i felt grateful. for having something to lose. for the space it left allowing something new to enter. can i, will i, leave the space open?
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